I have to admit I tried to think of ways to get out of it. My husband had to work that weekend and I had a million other things to do. And to tell you the truth, sleeping outside in 80 degree weather with a bunch of people (and bugs) I don't know, is not my idea of a good time. But, he had to camp overnight at least once to be able to finish his Webelo requirements for Scouts, so I thought we might as well get it over with. I know that sounds really horrible and I feel guilty for saying it. Especially now, looking back. I also know that you camping families out there are probably feeling really sorry for my son right about now. As well you should be. But, let me just say, I didn't know.
I didn't know how that camping trip would open my eyes to what is really important in life. I didn't know how much closer it would bring my son and I. I didn't know how distant and busy (wrapped up in the house, work, and myself) I had become. I did know I had a great little boy, but I didn't know what a great man he was already becoming. I didn't know what I was missing.
There is something about nature that opens your eyes and your heart. The peaceful stillness allows you to see more clearly into the soul. It allows you to really hear what another is saying. It lets you have time to actually think without distraction. It gives you the space to figure out what is really important and true and necessary in life. Without cell phones ringing, tv's blaring, and computer screens glaring it is easier to see the truth of what really matters. That weekend, I discovered the truth of my son.
I do have to tell you that my son is a joy to spend time with. He is so easy going and introspective. He is curious and creative. He is just the right mix of sensitive and masculine. I tell him often that that he is a wonderful son and will someday make a wonderful husband and father. I have always believed this, but I have never believed it as strongly as I do now that we have shared this experience together. Now that I have seen a small glimpse of what he is capable of and what he is on the road to becoming.
My son is so easy. He doesn't demand attention. If he sees that I'm busy with work, or writing, or housework, he happily just lets me go about my business and finds something else to do on his own. It's so easy to just let that slide. Especially with work calling, a text coming in, the dryer beeping, the dog needing to go out, trying to figure out what's for dinner, and every one of the thousand little disturbances that happen every day. It's so easy to overlook what's really important. This weekend gave me a whole new perspective about our life together as a family and just how special it is.
I'm a procrastinator. We were getting a new kitchen floor the day we were leaving for our overnight. I had not prepared a thing for the camping trip. I had actually barely given it a second thought, except for intently searching for any sign of illness from my son or I, to get us out of it at the last minute (by 3pm, we were both still very healthy, so I gave it up). I was busy admiring my new floor and trying to ignore the fact that I knew there were certain supplies that really were needed for camping. And, as we are not a camping family, I knew we did not have any of them.
My son, on the other hand, had been preparing this trip in his mind for a long, long time. Over the last several weeks, he would come to me many times and tell me things he was looking forward to on our adventure, or things that he thought we would need. I would always smile and nod my head and try to look excited about our trip, while at the same time, mentally focusing on something else that I thought needed my attention more at the time. The day of our trip, my son thought to get out the two person tent that he had played with several times in our back yard (pretending to camp). He wanted make sure that all the pieces were still there. That moment was the beginning of my awakening into what a great man, what a great provider he was becoming. I had not thought of checking out the tent. What if we would have gotten to the campsite and not had all of the pieces? But, this is something my son had thought of and was diligently taking care of, without being asked to do so. I was so very impressed. I watched him out the kitchen window. His little hands so skillfully putting together all the pieces of the tent. His face, dripping with sweat, but so intent on the project. My little man, taking care of business. Taking care of me, his family for now.
My son impressed me many more times throughout that day and the next. He once again set up the tent, all on his own, as we arrived at the campsite. He prepared his own meal over a fire. He roasted my marshmallows to perfection for our s'mores. He made sure we had the lantern as we walked to the playground that night. He told witty jokes to everyone before bedtime. My little boy, who used to need me so much, was functioning just fine on his own. He was not only functioning just fine, he was taking care of me. Even though I felt a slight tinge of sadness, I was really just so very proud of him. So proud of the boy he was. So proud of the man I knew he was becoming.
The stage he is in now, the one hovering between a little boy and a young man is so special, and yet so fleeting. There were a few moments where he still needed his mommy during that trip. During the night, when he heard noises he has never heard before while sleeping, he would awake and vaguely need me, but only for a moment. While pulling up stakes of the tent the next morning, his muscles were still not strong enough to pull one of them out, and he needed me, but only for one. Since he is only 10, he needed me, of course, to drive him to and from the campsite. But I suspect, being the resourceful boy he is, he would have found a way there without me. How lucky am I that he did not? How lucky am I that I went on this trip? This trip that I had tried so hard to get out of was one of the best experiences of my life as a mother. On this trip I found many more times that I needed him rather than him needing me. I needed him to set up the tent. I needed him to encourage me (and physically help me) down a steep hill on a hike, I needed him to show me that I have to slow down and enjoy him while I still have him all to myself.
How many experiences do we not have with our children because we think we don't have time, or there are just too many other things going on, or in our mind it's something we just don't want to do? I'm so glad that I had the chance that weekend to experience some uninterrupted time with my son. I'm so glad we had the chance to create some memories that could never have been created with cell phones ringing, computer screens glaring, or t.v.'s blaring.
